today's post is dedicated to thaddeus and his family esp ben and all. just wanna say that when i was at your house, i saw people who were all so close to you trying to be strong but sometimes human power fails and they end up crying. it really shows how much you, thaddeus, you were missed.
when i was hugging ben i felt her shaky arms resting on my sweaty back and she was sobbing. the youth group was there with her and almost all were crying. i closed my eyes thinking how life can be so meaningful when we live it like how thaddeus lived his. tears rolled down my cheek as i thought about how shitty my life was. well at least thaddeus went with pride, doing what he loved. but me, will i go with pride? will i be doing what i love when i go home. i was crying because of this and at the same time cos i feel ben's pain. i lost a sister at 7. as i was returning home from school i remember asking daddy how the baby was. 'baby's gone.' daddy answered in a tone i never heard before. 'huh go where? will she come back?' i ask innocently. my dad just shook his head and i knew from then on i'll never see my lil' sister again. when i got home mommy didn't look sad or whatever she just smiled took my hands and just took me for dinner and my bath.
i didn't ask anything or say anything. i didn't cry nor did i smile. i just didn't feel like doing anything. as years went on, i remember once i made mommy really mad and ahyi was talking to me andi didn't know how we came upon this topic but she told me that mommy will cry on that day on every year. talk about knowing my mom well.


well todays lesson is cherish all you have today and you won't regreat. hold it close to your heart and it'll always be there.

love you lil' sis