lol. missed ac today. got got mc. haha it rhymes. lol fighting with matilda now. lol snatching her mashmellow. lol haha she's screaming so loudly 'jiejie, timme(gimme) back the tweet(sweet) my teter(teacher) give me you know.' timme(gimme) back!!! don't pull will bleak(break).' haha. she can't really pronounce her words well when she's screaming. lol later maybe heading off to dai yee's house to bake cookies for mama. than going to visit her. cos she just came back from some cataract operation of some sort. and mommy didn't tell me. well i don't blame her, cos she wants me to study. don't think my throat is gonna get any better, judging from my voice. sound so sexy. lol. hahaha. really pissed abt chew fern. giving me loads of hell now cos of the skirts. but at most give up my torphy la. no biggie. lol but like to angie it seems big. but if it is really lost than its my fault right. lol not gonna let this get in my way. lol feeling kinnda happy today. lol. even though the sun is not really that bright. lol kinnda dreamt of god last night. but not too sure of what really happened. slept through the whole night until mommy woke me up at like 530 to ask me some lame stuff. lol lame family do lame things. haha. i feel the absence of the holy one from my life now. feeling the full force, and am not liking it. is it all gone? i need him to tell me how to go back. does it have to be that hard??


Bleeding Love
Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep,
keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rest that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open
And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and
I Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

모두는 아주 더럽다 왜 그것이 인지. 나의 생활, 모두. 더 이상 나의 방법 그것에게 다만 가지 않기. 것 같이 진짜로 빠십시오. 그것은 왜 나 아주 비고 비게 느끼십시오 인가? 나가 느끼는 처럼 나의 심혼은 언다. 그것 더 이상 거기. 어쩌면 그것은 다만 저이다 그러나 무엇 만약에 그것 아닙니다?! 만약에 그것에 더 많은 것이 있으면 무엇? 그것은 왜 나가 나가 이렇게 싫증날, 병자를 이렇게 느끼는 당신을 생각할 때마다 그 인가? 왜? 저 지금 그것에게 얻기! 나는 나의 생활 뒤를 원한다! 나는 그것을 지금 후에 원한다!

didn't go to school today. and cos of that am feeling the pressure of o's now. like should have gone la. but anyway, whats done is done. trying to look for the real me now. haven actually found it yet. hope it comes real soon. like i never wanted things to turn out this way but ya. now i gotta start from scratch. my calculator died on me a few days back. damn suay. haven gotten it fixed yet. don't know what am i waiting for. haha. have been missing mass lately. like i cannot get in touch with god anymore. there no light at the end and i can't seem to know where i'm heading. i somehow don't feel god's precence and i don't feel his love anymore. it's already end march and i know that if i don't find him, my o's are a goner. why is it that everything is turning out this way. why must life be this tough. why? i really really want the happiness i had last time when i could feel god strongly in my life. is it all gone now?

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way,
to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust Not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

-BECAUSE OF YOU- Kelly Clarkson.

its all so clear now. where i stand and where you stand.

for now, i've decided that this blog will hereby come back to life. haha. lol. this will be my path towards o'lvls. i have been wondering what if i become a les, like ya i know its against my religion but what if. lol haha. clair and zoa and cherie shuddup. haha. stress is already on full power now. don't know if i can keep up with it. like o'lvls seem to be so huge. ya it is la but like why is it that during o's everyone feels like that? it is not like it is what you will be like in the future. you are only chionging for now. and to think those bosses out there see results. they should see overall mah! walao than we must study like that. i find it so hard to juggle school, homework, tuition, home affairs. why? why is this so hard. like its harder than math!! arh. now my dad is nagging abt me. arh. what the hell. yayaya.

all my life i have been bugging my parents to shift house. maybe it was just the childish thought of mine that living in the same house all my life is 'embarrasing'. just yesterday mommy told me that we were going to move cos daddy finally thinks that the house is too small. shifting to somewhere in gardens or near corinne's. i don't know why but i suddenly feel like not leaving this house. i've stayed here all my life and after 17 years i'm leaving this place. i feel kinda sad. no check that i feel very sad. i don't wanna leave. but maybe sometimes in life things change. i just look around my room and i see my life. i see the moments i cried here, the times i had friends over sharing my joy. well i guess these times end. my mind is in a whirl. so many things are ending now. why? why now? i feel like i screwed so many things up. i feel very empty now. like god damn it!!! argh!

right loads of thing have been happening here like forever. uh point one since when did you come to my blog. point two thank you for using your real name cos i never said it was you, people just suspect cos of certain thing you do.(not trying to imply anything) point three don't and i mean DON'T ever EVER come to my blog and inslut my friends like that. EVER. cos that ain't okay with me. you don't have the right to spell things out for people to know. and since you say the whole church knows than why say it since people already know. point four don't tell others to buck up on their english when yours is as bad. 'den' when its suppose to be 'then', 'ppl' when its suppose to be 'people', 'noes' when its suppose to be 'knows'. really i've got nothing and have never had anything against you. really. i just don't know why everything is like that now. just do me a favour, don't come to my blog and tag anymore. if you wanna read just do it but keep your comments to yourself. thanks a bunch.